


I Got A Bad Desire

by notoffkilter



Category: Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27369271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notoffkilter/pseuds/notoffkilter
Summary: I’m calling out Clarence’s name, I feel his lips against my neck.
Relationships: Clarence Clemons/Bruce Springsteen
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another oldie, but I'll be combining two old stories together, enjoy.

_I’m laughing and he’s laughing._

_We’re out of breath._

_I lean forward, I press my forehead against his._

_My heart feels like it’s about to leap right out of my chest._

_We look each other in the eyes._

_This isn’t the first time we were this close._

_On stage it was always a bit different._

_There’s a silence between us, still looking at each other deeply._

_I shudder._

_I didn’t even realize when he pressed me up against the wall._

_The back of my head lightly bumps against it._

_My breath hitches._

_“I’ve been thinking about this for a while Bruce,” he says to me._

_I swallow thickly, my breath turns shallow, I practically go weak in the knees._

_“Me too…,” I managed to say._

_There’s ringing in my ears, from my heart pounding so fast, my face is burning, like it’s on fire._

_He leans forward, I close the rest of the space, feeling his lips against my own._

_This isn’t the first time we’ve kissed either._

_This time it’s different though._

_It’s longer than just a few quick seconds._

_I actually feel Clarence caressing my waist._

_I melt against him._   
_My hands reach for the front of his shirt, tugging him closer, I need him closer._

_I can’t think straight, let alone at all._

_We briefly pull away from kissing each other._

_I try to speak I can’t._

_Clarence gives me a reassuring smile._

_I shut my eyes._

_When I open them again, we’re not in the foyer of my home, we’re upstairs, in my room._

_I’m calling out Clarence’s name, I feel his lips against my neck._

_My fingertips are digging into his back._

The vision soon enough blurs, and disappears into darkness.

Bruce groaned under his breath, as he roused himself.

His heart is slightly racing.

Bruce rolls over, from lying on his stomach to lying on his back.

There’s a cold sweat that broke out over his skin.

Bruce rubbed a hand over his face.

His face feels hot.

It was quiet in his room for the most part, not including the crickets chirping outside, with a small summer breeze slipping through the window.

It wasn’t the first time he had a dream like this, Bruce let his thoughts wander a bit again, since his dream ended just as things were getting really good.

A shallow breath escaped Bruce’s mouth, as he let his hand wander down, underneath the blankets.

His cock was half hard, most likely while he was dreaming he was probably dry humping the mattress.

Bruce pushed past his underwear, and started to stroke himself, with his eyes drifting closed.

Damn when things were just getting good… Okay he was fucking me right on this mattress… Damn it Bruce! Don’t rush it, you gotta build up to it again… It’s better that way…

Bruce mentally thought to himself.

Bruce sighed under his breath.

Okay… What if we were in the studio together?... You know when it was just me and him… Everyone else left… He was falling asleep on the sofa, I was tired, I offered for him to stay at my place, since I lived closer.

Bruce lightly bit his lower lip thinking about it, as he stroked himself.

That was a good time Bruce… That was probably the best shot you were ever gonna get… But what if I… I could’ve kissed him… We drank just a little, that would’ve been the perfect cover… What if he liked it, I’d tell him I want to suck his dick… He’d tell me he’d like that…

Bruce parted his mouth, his breath turned shallow, a small groan escaping his mouth.

What if he told me I was a ‘good boy’ when he’d pet my head?

Bruce’s legs shifted under the blankets.

 _“Fuck… I’d be his good boy…,”_ Bruce mumbled under his breath, his eyes were squeezed shut.

Bruce’s heart raced excitedly, his head pressed back against the pillow.

Bruce panted more, as he stroked himself harder, a moment later he came into his hand.

“Uh--hhn…” Bruce groaned, his legs buckled a couple of times, as he continued to stroke himself after he came.

Bruce opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

He stopped touching himself.

He let out a big heavy satisfied sigh, as he let his hand slink out from underneath the blankets.  
Bruce slowly blinked a few times.

“Are we gonna keep doing this forever, huh?,” Bruce asked himself.

Bruce sighed again, he wiped his hand on top of the blanket.

Bruce rolled over on the bed, so he was lying on his side.

“If, and I mean if I get a chance, I’m going for it…. Don’t be a chicken shit Bruce alright?,” Bruce said to himself.

Bruce pulled up the covers, and fell asleep.


	2. How Do you Explain The Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You got something on your mind or what?”

Bruce sometimes was unsure with his feelings.  
  
It was a lot easier when things were in black and white.  
  
What he felt right now though, he’d felt before, actually numerous times in fact, but he wasn’t supposed to feel this way.  
  
Well he didn’t think so anyways.  
  
 _“You got something on your mind or what?”_  
  
Bruce lifted his gaze.  
  
Bruce was currently sitting on the pier with Steven.  
  
The loud chattering from people walking past them, was deafened to Bruce briefly, but quickly came back, so much so that it was slightly startling.  
  
Steven had his brow cocked on one side looking at Bruce.  
  
Bruce laughed.  
  
“Why would you ask that?,” Bruce then asked.  
  
“You look like you’ve been in a daze all day, you ain’t talkin’ much either,” Steven answered.  
  
Damn Bruce didn’t realize it was that obvious.  
  
“Just thinking,” Bruce shook his head.  
  
“About?”  
  
“Stuff.”  
  
“What kind of stuff?”  
  
“Just stuff.”  
  
“Would have to be kinda important stuff, if it’s got your mind wandering enough, to not hear me talking to you for the past 20 damn minutes.”  
  
Bruce laughed again.  
  
“Sorry.”  
  
“Apology not really necessary Bruce, come on… Be honest, can’t be that bad you can’t share with me,” Steven prodded.  
  
Bruce did know Steven for years now.  
  
Bruce briefly pondered it.  
  
Bruce looked out at the water.  
  
“You ever look at somebody, and get feelings?...,” Bruce started off.  
  
Steven slightly squinted his eyes, wondering where Bruce was going with this, seeing as Bruce didn’t say anything he agreed.  
  
“Yeah?...”  
  
“Like… Infatuation, maybe? I dunno…,” Bruce briefly continued.  
  
Steven was still confused, “uh… Not to be the bearer of bad news Bruce, but most people feel like this everyday, so I’m gonna have to have you be less cryptic and more direct.”  
  
Bruce was quiet.  
  
“Say you’ve known someone for a little while, and you always felt something… Something… Good. You like this feeling you get, and you like this person, but the longer you know them, you kinda start to notice these feelings are getting stronger, and it’s starting to get troubling,” Bruce explained.  
  
“Okay… Better, but still I’m trying to follow you Bruce… Why is it troubling?,” Steven asked.  
  
“Because I feel like… I should try and pursue it, but… I know I shouldn’t,” Bruce answered.  
  
Steven cocked his brow again.  
  
“Can you really not pursue it, or are yah just scared?,” Steven then asked.  
  
“Maybe both?”  
  
Steven sighed heavily.  
  
“You know you’re not exactly making this easy… Okay you know what I think, if you’ll let me be very blunt?,” Steven briefly gestured with his hands.  
  
“Shoot.”  
  
“I’m assuming… Since you are not being honest with me right now, so I can only assume about you. I’m assuming that this is some broad you like right?....” Steven questioned, but trailed off when he noticed Bruce’s eyes flicker away.  
  
“Or somebody...They could be with someone, so that’s got you on the fence or they’re single, but you’re not too sure they’re interested in you. You also say you’ve known them for awhile? What you’re worried it might ruin the friendship? Okay fair fine. I’d say just go for it, why not? Those feelings ain’t gonna stop Bruce, if you go for it, and they turn you down. Eh. What’s the worse they can do say no? Then you guys go about your lives. They say yes? You have some fun, and if it don’t work out, you go about your lives, no big deal,” Steven happily gave his advice.  
  
Bruce looked over at Steven.  
  
Steven was always the realist when it came to advice.  
  
Even though he could be overly blunt, most of the time he was right.  
  
“You make it sound easy,” Bruce chuckled softly.  
  
“Well it is easy, but you’re making it harder than it needs to be,” Steven shrugged.  
  
“I’m not an easy man Steven.”  
  
“Believe me _I know._ ”  
  
Steven looked at Bruce again.  
  
“Do I at least know this person?,” Steven asked.  
  
“Why?”  
  
Steven shrugged again, “maybe it might help with figuring out if they’re worth the trouble.”  
  
Bruce got up from the bench to stretch, “I don’t think so.”  
  
Steven frowned, “Eh… you’re no fun.”  
  
  
  
\------------  
  
  
  
 _A few days later_  
  
It was a beautiful day in New Jersey.  
  
Bruce kept looking over to his side.  
  
Clarence was right beside him, as they walked along the beach.  
  
Clarence seemed to be happily enjoying the sunshine, maybe not noticing how quiet Bruce was being.  
  
Bruce briefly reflected a bit, sometimes when he stood next to Clarence he felt incredibly small.  
  
So far he never felt intimidated by the larger man, just something he noticed.  
  
They continued their walk towards the pier, underneath it of course.  
  
It was a hot day, and being in the shade, by wetsand felt great.  
  
They made themselves comfortable, on a hill of damp sand, as they people watched.  
  
Clarence plopped down on the sand, and felt around in the paperbag beside himself. He handed Bruce a cold beer, then grabbing one for himself.  
  
“Thanks,” Bruce said.  
  
Clarence waved his hand briefly, then pulled the tab back on his can of beer.  
  
Bruce did the same, drinking about half of it in one go, then letting out a heavy sigh right after.  
  
“You alright?,” Clarence asked curiously.  
  
Bruce briefly looked like a deer caught in headlights.  
  
“Huh, yeah I’m alright,” Bruce lied, with a smile on his face.  
  
Clarence eyed Bruce for a moment, then took another swig of his beer.  
  
Bruce felt his face suddenly burning.  
  
“Do you know when we’re going back in the studio?,” Clarence asked suddenly.  
  
“Oh… Uh next week, I’ll call you when I know for sure,” Bruce said.  
  
Clarence nodded finding that an acceptable answer.  
  
Bruce quickly finished off his beer, and grabbed another one, also offering Clarence another.  
  
Clarence waved his free hand, “easy I’m still on my first, you sure you’re alright?,” He asked again.  
  
“Just been thinking a lot lately,” Bruce answered, he figured Clarence would keep pressing it if he didn’t get some type of realistic answer.  
  
Clarence didn’t say anything.  
  
Since thinking a lot could mean many things, especially when it came to Bruce, Bruce was always thinking. It could be music, lyrics, and maybe stuff with his personal life; Or he could just be ‘thinking’.  
  
Clarence mumbled out an ‘mh’, in understanding, he would drop the subject for now anyways.  
  
Bruce looked at Clarence briefly, noticing how the other man, was happily looking out at the water, while he had his feet dug into the damp cool sand.  
  
Bruce turned his head away, and let out a small sigh under his breath.  
  
He looked out at the water as well.  
  
Bruce thought this was nice, it was very nice.  
  
They heard the screams and yells above them faintly.  
  
Bruce thought again, there wasn’t anyone around really, people were mostly by the water.  
  
Bruce heard rustling beside him, assuming Clarence grabbing another beer now.  
  
Bruce shifted his gaze, he noticed an older man walking along the beach, having a metal detector in hand.  
  
“You see that guy over there?,” Bruce nodded in the direction of the man.  
  
Clarence looked over, “yeah.”  
  
“He’s collecting metal he can find, to pay his child support,” Bruce said knowingly.  
  
Clarence snickered under his breath.  
  
“He owe a lot or something? Or is he just a cheap bastard?,” Clarence teased.  
  
“Both, he owes like $500.”  
  
Clarence let out a low whistle, “I’m surprised the state isn’t after him.”  
  
“They are, they told him if he doesn’t get the money to them by the end of the month, he’s going to county for god knows how long,” Bruce said, then taking another sip of his beer.  
  
“I’m sure that’s plenty of time to collect enough scrap,” Clarence chuckled under his breath.  
  
“Well you know the saying what comes around goes around right?,” Bruce held back a smile.  
  
Clarence let out another small laugh, then sighed, “okay what else he’d do?”  
  
Bruce casually looked around, then leaned closer to Clarence.  
  
“You didn’t hear from me but… He’s a recovering alcoholic, one night he goes out drinking, doesn’t get home till 3am. He drives right through the picture window of the house,” Bruce said in a hushed tone.  
  
Clarence let out a loud laugh at that, “no shit?”  
  
“I shit you not,” Bruce laughed.  
  
Clarence ruffled a hand through Bruce’s hair.  
  
Bruce felt his heart race a little.  
  
None of what anything Bruce said was true.  
  
He liked making up stories about strangers he didn’t even know. It always got the laughs from everyone, mostly he liked it when he got Clarence to laugh, it was always genuine it seemed.  
  
“Not your best, but still funny,” Clarence said, then pulling his hand away.  
  
“You don’t think so?,” Bruce asked.  
  
“I liked the one better about the girl skiing, and forgetting her panties,” Clarence said.  
  
“Me too,” Bruce smiled, he looked to Clarence briefly before looking out at the water.  
  
  
  
\----  
  
  
 _Bruce was looking down, as he carefully buttoned his shirt.  
  
“What’re you doing?”  
  
Bruce turned around, and looked over at his bed.  
  
“What does it look like?,” Bruce smiled  
  
“It looks like you’re wearing my shirt,” Clarence smiled back.  
  
Clarence was sitting up, by lying back on the pillows.  
  
Bruce smiled more, as he came back over to the bed.  
  
Bruce put on Clarence white button up shirt, it was obviously four sizes too big for him.  
  
“I like it, you like it?,” Bruce asked, as he climbed back on the bed.  
  
“You look cute,” Clarence chuckled softly.  
  
Bruce lifted up the shirt a little, as he made himself comfortable, as he sat on Clarence lap.  
  
Clarence’s hands slipped under the shirt, and caressed Bruce’s hips.  
  
Bruce leaned down, and kissed Clarence.  
  
Clarence kissed back.  
  
“You’re a good little kitten aren’t you?,” Clarence asked, then giving Bruce’s neck a few small kisses.  
  
Bruce chuckled softly, tilting his head to the side to give Clarence more access.  
  
“I’m always good for daddy~,” Bruce sighed, he rocked himself on Clarence’s lap.  
  
“You always are baby~,” Clarence smiled, his hands moving up to Bruce’s waist then down to his hips.  
  
Bruce lightly bit his lower lip, when Clarence started to stroke his cock.  
  
“It doesn’t take much does it?,” Clarence asked, feeling Bruce harden in his hand.  
  
“Only because it’s you…,” Bruce sighed, a small whimpering groan escaping his mouth after.  
  
“I’m the only one that can make you feel this good, aren’t I?,” Clarence kissed the corner of Bruce’s mouth.  
  
Bruce swallowed thickly, “yeah…”  
  
“Did you wanna take a nice long ride baby?,” Clarence asked.  
  
Bruce bit back a smile, then kissing Clarence.  
  
“You promise to fuck me into this bed till I’m begging you to stop?~” Bruce breathed against Clarence’s lips.  
  
“Hard to say no to a face like that,” Clarence smiled, caressing Bruce’s cheek.  
  
Bruce leaned into the touch, then kissing Clarence softly.  
  
Bruce guided the other man’s cock into himself.  
  
“Clarence…,” Bruce groaned against his lips.  
  
Bruce started to bounce himself on Clarence’s lap.  
  
Clarence undid the few buttons that were snapped up on Bruce’s shirt.  
  
He start to kiss Bruce’s collar bone.  
  
“Clarence…,” Bruce called out again.  
  
“When you say my name like that baby… It always drives me wild,” Clarence chuckled softly as he nipped on Bruce’s neck.  
  
Bruce’s eyes were half lidded, his heart started to race, “I drive you wild?...” He asked curiously, almost unbelieving.  
  
“Course you do, as soon I laid my eyes on you at the Student Prince, you remember that night?”  
  
Bruce was panting softly as he rode Clarence harder.  
  
“That… That long?....,” Bruce questioned sheepishly.  
  
“Why’re you acting so surprised Bruce?,” Clarence smiled.  
  
“Me too…,” Bruce said.  
  
“Me too what?”  
  
“I-I couldn’t stop thinking about you that night either…,” Bruce said.  
  
_  
  
  
  
Bruce sat up gasping for air.  
  
Bruce’s blurry vision cleared.  
  
He looked around the darkened room, before plopping back down on the bed.  
  
Bruce panted under his breath, then sighed.  
  
“Really? It’s only getting worse Bruce,” Bruce said to himself.  
  
“Is it really worth half hard ons you get every night?”  
  
Bruce rubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes till he saw sparks dance across his vision.  
  
“We gotta do something about this Bruce…”  
  
“I don’t even know what I’d do, ask him? Try to make a move see what happens?.... What happens… If he doesn’t feel this way? He leaves the band, then what?,” Bruce continued to grumble under his breath.  
  
Bruce rolled over in bed, and pulled the pillow over his head.  
  
He ignored the excited feeling he felt between his legs, somehow he it made it worse when he’d give in to those wet dreams about his bandmate.


	3. How Do you Explain The Butterflies Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What he wanted was just a fantasy, and it should just stay that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eventually I'll continue with this story, just figured I'd post it here.

Bruce didn’t like the feeling of putting on a facade, he had these feelings, and couldn’t do much with them.  
  
He hated it.  
  
He hated he couldn’t even look Clarence in the eyes.  
  
Bruce didn’t really have much time to himself to even think right now.  
  
Mostly on account of all of them getting back in the studio again.  
  
He’d have to focus on music, and coming up with lyrics.  
  
Who knows, maybe it would be a good thing after all.  
  
When you have no time or nothing else, maybe the dilemma with Clarence would be put on hold, maybe the feelings would go away.  
  
That’s what Bruce hoped, but at the same time he hated that very thought.  
  
He knew he was supposed to feel this, it was apart of him.  
  
Bruce was briefly lost in thought, as he watched Clarence talk to Garry across the studio.  
  
He didn’t know what they were talking about.  
  
What the hell was Bruce doing?  
  
Did he just not make a mental note that he’d use studio time to stay focused on the music.  
  
Not because he had a little crush on his bandmate.  
  
 _”Hello? Bruce? Are you off in lala land again?”_  
  
Bruce lifted his head, and turned to his left, Steven was right next to him.  
  
“Well?,” Steven questioned.  
  
“Ah… Just do it again I don’t like it,” Bruce shook his head.  
  
Steven rolled his eyes.  
  
“Hey Vini you’re gonna have to play it again,” Steven said.  
  
Vini their drummer had stepped out of the studio, but returned.  
  
“Again?,” Vini questioned itching his scruffy beard.  
  
Bruce didn’t even have to say anything.  
  
Vini let out a disgruntled sigh, and went over to the recording booth, to re-record his drums.  
  
Things quieted down in the studio, so Vini could record.  
  
Bruce had focused on Vini’s playing, he didn’t like what he was hearing, not to say it was bad or anything, but what he was playing just wasn’t working right for this song.  
  
Bruce still listened anyways, not stopping him, mostly just so he can figure out what exactly to say to Vini as constructive criticism.  
  
As Vini played Bruce noticed Clarence stepping over, and leaning against the console near him.  
  
It seemed Clarence was also listening.  
  
Bruce stared at Clarence out the corner of his eye.  
  
A lot of times you never really knew what was going on in Clarence’s head, kinda similar to how Bruce was.  
  
Bruce liked how they had that in common with one another.  
  
Bruce noticed Clarence smiled to himself.  
  
What was he smiling about?  
  
Was he smiling how Vini had to do his 5th take today?  
  
Or how they were in the studio for 10 hours already, and they’d probably wouldn’t be leaving till 5am?  
  
Or maybe knowing he’d just have to get through today, since tomorrow they actually had a day off from recording. Which was a unanimous decision out voting Bruce.  
  
Bruce watched as Clarence leaned away now, most likely having seen and heard enough.  
  
Clarence walked over to David who was taking a break reading, and striking up a conversation with him.  
  
Clarence was out of view now for Bruce, and Bruce himself didn’t turn around.  
  
Bruce’s eyes were now focused on looking at nothing.  
  
When Clarence was no longer in his sight, Bruce’s thoughts about him stopped.  
  
He focused again on Vini’s drum playing.  
  
The murmurs behind him were ignored.  
  
Vini finished his take, and Bruce listened to it again.  
  
The night drew later.  
  
Mike their manager and producer, Mike insisted it would be a good time to call it quits for now.  
  
Which the rest of the band was relieved to hear.  
  
Bruce was of course hesitant, since there usually was one more thing that could be done, added, or recorded.  
  
It was around 3am, when everyone grabbed their things.  
  
It would be a long drive back to Jersey for them.  
  
They all carpooled together in their van.  
  
Bruce was practically pushed out the studio by their manager.  
  
Since Bruce thought about staying a bit longer.  
  
“Bruce you can’t sleep in the studio, at least not tonight, get some real sleep in your bed, I’ll see you Thursday,” Mike said, then giving Bruce a light pat on the shoulder.  
  
“Yeah alright,” Bruce managed to say.  
  
Everyone piled in with their instruments.  
  
Clarence volunteered to drive them all back, since Garry was griping about him having already drove this afternoon, so it was someone else’s turn.  
  
Bruce was awake, still a bit buzzed with energy, so he sat up front with Clarence.  
  
While everyone else could get a bit of sleep on the long drive back.  
  
The radio was playing, but at a volume that could be ignored, or talked over.  
  
It being so late, there wasn’t any traffic on the road.  
  
Bruce had his legs propped up on the dashboard.  
  
Bruce wasn’t exactly sure why he decided to sit up front with Clarence.  
  
You would think it would only make matters worse.  
  
Bruce’s eyes stared vaguely out onto the road.  
  
Bruce leaned back into his seat more comfortably.  
  
“You’d probably be more comfortable back there,” Clarence said, having broken the long silence between them.  
  
Bruce lifted his head, and looked over at Clarence.  
  
“But I like to be up here though, didn’t think you’d wanna be lonely,” Bruce said.  
  
Bruce felt his own face suddenly burning.  
  
He was never more grateful for the darkness in the van.  
  
Bruce was staring at Clarence, he noticed the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile.  
  
Clarence briefly looked to Bruce then back at the road.  
  
“Appreciate it,” Clarence said, letting a small laugh escape under his breath.  
  
Without realizing it Bruce had his own smile on his face.  
  
Bruce’s eyes lingered on Clarence for a moment longer, then taking a look into the back seat.  
  
Everyone had fallen asleep now.  
  
Bruce looked to Clarence one more time before looking back at the road again.  
There was a silence between them that would probably last the rest of the ride back home.  
  
Bruce used this time to reflect.  
  
Instead of thinking about his time in the studio, and what to prepare for a day from now.  
  
He thought about Clarence again.  
  
The summer season was wrapping up, and soon enough it would be fall now. If they were lucky they could have the album finished in another month or so.  
  
Then they’d be on the road, all piled into this very van for months at a time.  
  
Where you’d have no privacy, no alone time.  
  
Bruce sighed.  
  
Bruce knew he’d have to get himself in the right headspace.  
  
He’d have to be rational about this.  
  
About him.  
  
About Clarence.  
  
Right now would be a good time wouldn’t it?  
  
Making a move.  
  
Bruce couldn’t.  
  
Bruce knew right from wrong.  
  
He knew what he wanted from Clarence, he knew that in itself wasn’t wrong; But he had to remind himself that Clarence was married and had a little boy back home.  
  
Bruce shifted in his seat, he crossed his arms, and looked out his side passenger window.  
  
Bruce had to remind himself, he would have to let it go.  
  
Not just for himself, but maybe for Clarence too.  
  
What he wanted was just a fantasy, and it should just stay that way.


End file.
